Betoota’s man drought continues this week.

In the words of the famous British balladeer Robbie Williams in his iconic 1999 song Love Supreme: “And all the best women are married, All the handsome men are gay”

For the nurses and schoolteachers who’ve made their way to this town for prac requirements or just a simple tree-change, the standard of male suitor ranges between ‘seasonal worker who isn’t going to be around for long’ and ‘happily married community figure who says he’s about to leave his wife’

Everyone else are just players and time wasters.

This comes as one of Betoota’s great root rats tactfully delays the inevitable ‘what are we?’ conversation with his latest consort.

37-year-old limo driver, Dion Masty (Betoota’s Flight Path District) is what many would refer to as a Peter Pan. Even his own parents will admit that “All children, except one, grow up.”

After a lifetime of short-flings, all of which usually involved some sort of vocal announcement that he has found the found, Dion is yet to settle.

His lengthy career as a womaniser began in his late teens, when his lanky jawline attracted the attention of model scouts at his local Westfield. As a dorky video game kid, he became the object of desire overnight and took full advantage of his new sex icon status.

Over the years, he has pivoted from party-boy fashionista, to a political engaged soft boy – a natural transition for men who want to move with the times and graduate into a more sustainable brand of womanising.

As his more recent flames will attest, Dion’s most recent exit strategy is his insistance that he ‘doesn’t like labels’ for relationships. Which is rather ironic, considering he has latched on to every single fad diet, sexual orientation, political theory, and chronic illness that the internet has thrown at him.

This means the only label that Dion doesn’t have stamped on him is ‘boyfriend’.

“Lets just chill” the ethically non-monogamous pansexual gluten-free virgo socially-progressive humanist tells his most recent fling.


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