The humiliated, battle-weary Australian Labor Party have this week had to concede that they are in the middle of an identity crisis, after bleeding votes both left and right in marginal seats across the nation.

Of course, in true southern-centric fashion, this phenomena has been entirely blamed on Queensland – which is an easy excuse given the fact that The Coalition took out 23 of the 30 seats up here – an actual improvement on the 21 seats in 2016.

Marginal Coalition are no longer marginal with an 11.3% swing in Dawson and 10.7% in Capricornia.

The Adani Electorate, Herbert, experienced a 7.6% swing to ScoMo – despite the fact that Shorten sent months assuring the CFMEU boys that his party was 100% behind the mine. Discreetly, when there were no cameras around.

As the dust settles from a humiliating defeat, and the Labor begin in-fighting again over their next leader – the question remains, what do they do about Queensland?

“If we ever want to win again, we need Queensland to be cooperative and receptive to our ideas” said Senator Penny Wong.

“But it’s a bit hard to penetrate Murdoch’s smear campaign against us. And now that they realise they hold the balance of power in this country, they a very cocky”

“They need to be humbled”

With Labor completely out of ideas on how to punish Queenslanders politically, they now have to wait a month or so and leave it to the rugby league.

“Trell is the only one who can do this” says Wong.

“I look forward to seeing the Maroons have victory snatched from them this year”

“These little Ferraris in the backline will put the entire state of Queensland back in their place”


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