Despite relentless requests from the Australian media to give a fucked up quote about what is going on down in Melbourne at the moment, Bob Katter MP has remained strong in his efforts to swerve you-know-what.

The maverick North Queensland MP has been very careful to not give a quote about anything, because you know, that had a very similar thing happening up in the Isa back in the day – and it’s not something he wants to go near.

In fact, if he had his way, this whole thing would be sorted out behind the courthouse with a length of hose and some nylon fishing line.

When asked for comment yesterday afternoon, Katter told reporters there was only one thing on his mind, and that is how on earth they are gonna rebuild the cattle industry in flood-ravaged North-West Queensland – after The Nightwatchman spent an entire fortnight being put over the barrel at the hands of the intimidating silver-vixen that replaced Turnbull.

He also spent 45 minutes once again addressing the very blatant bias shown towards southern Queensland footballers in the Maroons selections.

At time of press, our reporters were treated to Katter’s 19-minute rendition of an old Irish ballad about shooting the black and tans


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