As the race between Tony Abbott and rival independent Zali Steggall unfolds into what looks like a neck and neck finish, the career politician currently holding onto the seat of Warringah has had to call on the big guns.

Namely, the prominent pedophile-apologist and documented war criminal partly responsible for over 1.5 million civilian deaths in Iraq.

The Former Prime Minister joined the far less memorable Former Prime Minister today on a campaign trail, providing yet another character reference for a universally hated Catholic figure.

“Warringah is full of people who have worked hard, accumulated a bit and don’t want it taken away by higher taxes from Bill Shorten.” said Howard, inferring that Labor could ever have a frozen chance at winning over the affluent Northern Beaches seat.

This is the first time Howard has had to put his reputation on the line for someone so disliked since Cardinal Pell, a close friend of both politicians, was convicted for child sex crimes in his role as Archbishop of Melbourne.

“I know people are saying that I’m pissing in the wind here. But it’s very important for the Liberal party’s right-faction that I come out here today” he said.

“Basically, it’s your choice. You can have the same he-man you’ve had since the nineties, who will eventually get round to renovating Brookvale oval”

“Or you can have the independent rival, who is not only someone who vows to act on climate change, but also a woman” he said.

“Please. Consider Tony’s legacy. To lose to someone like that would be just so humiliating for a proud man like him.”

At time of press, both Howard and Abbott were doing ‘the floss dance’ with some local Manly school kids in an effort to appeal to youth voters.


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