Millions of men around the country have sighed this afternoon, after it was reported that One Nation staffer attempted to blame the grog for his efforts in procuring tens of millions of dollars in foreign funding from the NRA.

Ashby joined fellow disgraced LNP identity and high ranking One Nation staffer Steve Dickson for a press conference this afternoon, where they claimed had been “on the sauce” drinking scotch for “three or four hours” when discussing seeking a $20m donation from the National Rifle Association for their party.

Ashby and Dickson faced the media on Tuesday after an al-Jazeera investigation revealed the two men had sought millions in donations from the NRA during a trip to the US last year, in a bid to seize the balance of power and weaken Australia’s gun laws so they would be a bit more like America’s – which look to be working out just great for that country.

However, as is the case every time this excuse is trotted out by any man who has fucked up, Ashby’s claims of being ‘on the sauce’ doesn’t appear to to be exonerating him of guilt.

Especially when considering both men had flown to Washington DC to attempt to secure the funding, after months searching for the right contact in America, which turned out to be an undercover reporter.

Dickson said the party’s leader, Pauline Hanson, was “quite ill” and unable to appear publicly – which can loosely be translated to “You stupid cunts can fix this yourselves”.

However, Pauline Hanson has since referred al-Jazeera to ASIO for ‘interfering in a political election’ in a hope that the news publisher’s Arabic name will generate racial commentary within their base.

“We’d have a lot less people in prison if that was a legitimate excuse” says Betoota’s local cop, Greg.

“Literally, imagine if you could blame drink driving on the drinking part”


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