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As the Australian Greens rapidly pivot into a force to be reckoned with in Parliament House, it seems that party is in dire need of polishing up their usage of puns and lingo – like the other major parties.
Never one for descending into kitsch or bogan messaging, the Greens are now accutely aware that things need to change – given the fact that the Australian media can no longer ignore their presence within the Australian political system.
It was a big night for Australia’s progressive third force on Saturday, as Greens leader Adam Bandt cheered home a “greenslide” – with the party recording its best ever election result.
The Greens have won the West Brisbane seat of Ryan from the Liberals, held Bandt’s own seat of Melbourne and also took the seat of Griffith from Labor’s Terri Butler.
The remaining vote count is yet to determine whether or not they have also won the inner-city Queensland seat of ‘Brisbane’ – also previously held by the Liberals.
The Greens have also cleaned up in the senate, as it becomes clear that even everyday suburban Australians are so terrified by recurring floods and bushfires that they are no-longer susceptible to Rupert Murdoch’s comforting climate change denialism.
However, with the most electoral gains they’ve ever had, also comes the most news headlines they’ve ever had.
It’s a new game now, and one that has their head of media rather concerned.
“I wished they’d prepared for a better soundbite” says Bailey Tooralli-Addity, a burnt out former news man for the Australian Associated Press, who was led to the Greens in semi-retirement due to his love of cannabis and snorkelling in the now very environmentally fragile Great Barrier Reef.
“Greenslide works well enough. But it looks clunky on the front page of The Courier Mail”
“I’m spewing coz you get one shot at this kind of slogan. We wanted our very own Kevin 07 – but we played it safe”
“I was hoping they’d go with Bandtwagon. Get on the Bandtwagon”
“Even Bandtslide works better”
While Bailey is still glad the Brisbane HQ listened to his advice and plastered social media with the word ‘Greenslander’ – he says the entire movement is gonna need to up their game if they wanna keep snatching votes in the suburbs.
“Greenslide kind of sounds like a smoothie powder that helps with constipation”
“But it’s better than what they would have said 3 years ago, which woulda been something like ‘The Meteoric Rise Of Environmentally Conscience Urban White Collar Professionals Who Detest Rugby League’.
Although Bailey concedes there is some merit to playing it safe on the big jobs.
“I spose you can’t really have Adam Bandt declaring his party’s historic win ‘a Bandtwagon’ – he doesn’t have the ego for that”
“Plus we’ve really been trying to avoid look like narcissistic psychos… Ever since Bob Brown decided to take a merry gang of Melbourne yuppies on a convoy up to Central Queensland to lose the election for Shorten”