As day four of the Extinction Rebellion continues to further delay the already laughably congested Brisbane CBD, both Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk and her complicit leftie in waiting Deputy Premier Jackie Trade are now looking at new measures to bring the protests to an end.

Dozens of people have been arrested in another day of sporadic climate protests staged as part of what the Queensland chapter of Extinction Rebellion has dubbed “international rebellion week”.

This afternoon, about 300 protesters staged a funeral procession to symbolise the death of the planet’s species.

Having already fast-tracked laws to arrest and charge protestors who disrupt the top-end of town, the Queensland Premier has had to look back at history to see what the logical next step is here.

Joined by her Deputy Premier, Palaszczuk has this afternoon consulted her new political mentor, the Ghost Of Sir Johannes Bjelke-Petersen.

“What do we do Joh?” asked his Annastacia.

“These parasites don’t seem to be worried about being sent to prison… How did you do it Joh?

“Like, I know you had the special branch cops to bash them, but we can’t do that with the iPhones nowadays”

The ghostly spirit of the longest-serving and uncompromisingly conservative Premier of Queensland then addressed his proteges.

“Girls” he said.

“How do you think I managed to get the Springboks in to play the Rebel Wallabies during the peak of the Apartheid protests… [laughter]”

“Call a state of emergency. Bring in some cops from the bush. Round these ferals up. Find the instigators and…”

Sir Joh notices the goosebumps appearing on Jackie Trad’s arms, as the Labor Left identity begins to process what is happening to her party.

“Don’t worry young one. No one will know” says the Ghost of Joh.

“You can get them on an overnight flight to Bowen and then there’ll be a couple cane growers up there who will handle the rest” he said.

“It’s time for a few of these activists to start disappearing”


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