The news of Zali Steggall’s comprehensive victory in Warringah has reportedly not yet made its way to the exercise yard of the Melbourne Assessment Prison.

This news comes as panic sets in for the recently-incarcerated-rock-spider, Cardinal Pell, who feels he might be getting the silent treatment from his confidante and former Prime Minister Tony Abbott.

“He hasn’t answered his office phone for days now” says a distressed Pell, while waiting his turn to make yet another unanswered phone call in The Map.

“Was it something I said”

Unfortunately for the former third-highest-ranking Catholic Figure in the world, that phone number will never be answered again.

Independent MP Zali Steggall swept to victory on Saturday’s Federal Election, taking 58 per cent of the two-party preferred vote, with Abbott suffering a swing against him of almost 20 per cent.

Pell, who received a glowing character reference from the Former Member of Warringah in the days after he was charged and convicted for historical child sex crimes, says he’s starting to worry something bad might’ve happened.

“He usually answers the moment I ring” says Pell.

“I would try his mobile, but he made me delete his number during the Royal Commission”

The Former Archbishop of both Sydney and Melbourne says being ghosted by Tony Abbott is the last thing he needs, on top of being the lowest of low in a prison made up of violent offenders.

“I’ve got no one else to talk to”

“He was the only one that answered my calls.”

“He understood what it was like to be the victim of a politically-motivated smear campaign”


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