LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT


After 6 or so months behind bars, former Cardinal of the Catholic Church and convicted child sex offender George Pell has stated he is looking for alternate ways to win back the people’s favour.

Having been stripped of all his former titles and freedom, the perverted hypocrite states he has a plan to make people think positively about him again.

“Nobody likes a paedophile,” stated the paedophile while slipping on a single diamond glove.

“Until they do.”

Inspired by the on (and off) stage exploits of deceased popstar Micheal Jackson, George Pell has begun to work out a routine to Billy Jean to perform at the imaginary talent show he is hosting to keep himself from going insane.

“A hei hei hei!”

Prison staff state the 78-year-old inmate has caused quite a stir in the past week after remembering Michael Jackson somehow managed to garner societal support despite also being a paedophile himself.

“He keeps muttering about ‘going to Neverland,’” stated one guard.

“He also calls my associate Tito and last week we confiscated a pair of shoes modified to allow you to lean your body forward like in Smooth Criminal.”

However, the disgraced former Cardinal states his moonwalking will make a difference as he moonwalks alone in his cell to make-believe music.

“Just wish I wasn’t stuck in here with this guy! I’m starting with the man in the mirror!”

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