An insta-famous Northern Rivers child is today questioning her role in mum’s micro-influencer lifestyle and wellness empire.

Riverina Rolly (4) has only been on earth since Hillary Clinton won the democratic primaries leading into the 2016 Presidential election, but she’s already known to hundreds of thousands of people due to her mum’s instagram presence.

Her life in the limelight started with an Iowaska-fueled waterbirth, and followed right through her first steps, to the current day – where she is photographed 12,000 times a day by her mum with fuck all else to do.

Right now in town’s like Byron, and other shittier nearby coastal towns like the one the Rolly family pretend is also part of Byron, kids like Riverina are at great risk of falling sick to preventable illnesses.

This isn’t necessarily because of her parent’s habit of questioning modern medicine, but because she is forced to wear head-to-toe linen, even in the middle of winter.

The unvaccinated toddler daughter of two stay-at-home narcissists with deep-seated addictions to social media endorphin-triggers says all she wants to do is wear a poly-blend flannelette Dora The Explorer onesie. But this would go against her mother’s creative direction.

“Cold!” mumbles the toddler to her doting, camera-clutching, parents.

“So cold”

Riverina’s dad (Riccardo, 45, freelance beekeeper) and mum (Billie, 39, fucken nothing) laugh at the youngest member of their tribe.

“Oh Riverina. You are adorable!” giggles her mum.

“Okay now do the smokey eye!”

[camera flashes]


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