The entire guest list at a South Betoota wedding ceremony have been made aware that the father-of-the-bride has been working on his memoirs, after having to sit through his 45-minute speech, which was full of irrelevant and tedious tangents.

His constant turning of pages on the written notes became excruciating for the guests, who know for a fact that his sense of humour is no where near as controversial as the best man.

It seems the old man may have put too much thought into this moment, as he began telling his entire life story, starting from the early-post-war years in Townsville when he was a little boy with no shoes.

“He spent 15 minutes talking about how he met her mum for fuck’s sake” said a male cousin of the groom.

“Mate, there’s only so much you can tell about asking a pretty girl to dance the Pride Of Erin in a country hall”

The father-of-the-bride’s obvious inability to tell jokes that aren’t related to how much he spent on the wedding was also noted – especially by his jealous in-laws who’s own kids are yet to pull their fingers out and show even the remotest signs of being able to handle adulthood.

As he wrapped up with niceties, it appears literally the only people that were still enjoying the old man’s humourless fun vacuum was his darling daughter and 2nd favourite daughter, with even his wife finding it impossible to not rest a cheek on her hand.

“And that gets me to the groom. Where’s my gun?! [laughter]” he chuckles with absolutely zero reception from anyone except a couple of his old as shit mates from golf.


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