After sitting on the couch at home for close to two months recovering from that horrible coronavirus that he brought into this country from America and spread to civillians in his electorate, Peter Dutton has today poked his head back up to make some pointlessly controversial and divisive comments that will not achieve anything outside of the headlines they generate, like the one you are currently reading.

The Home Affairs Minister has demanded Queensland Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk explain why her state’s borders are remaining closed until Springtime, as the country moves to ease coronavirus restrictions.

“Just come out and explain where the September date comes from” he said to the Labor QLD premier, via a breakfast TV interview on the Today Show, rather than over the phone like a real politician who is interested in serving the people over his own laughable ambitions to be Prime Minister.

“I’m a proud Queenslander, I’m not taking advice from people south of the border at all, but I believe it’s in Queensland’s best interests, given that we are a mining state, and we want to get people back to work.”

However, it seems the former disgraced drug cop turned Federal MP may not have succeeded in today’s efforts to turn Queenslanders against his political rivals.

Local central Queensland bakers assistant, Bruce ‘Big Brucey’ Webcke (51) says he usually agrees with Dutton on the big issues – like how the ABC are fuckwits, or the theory that Labor wants to make every single person with a mortgage live a homelessless – but he’s definitely missed the mark on this one.

“Open the borders?!?” spits Big Brucey.

“You can fuck that idea right off!”

“We don’t want those dirty Southerners comin’ up here with their fucken feral bat flu”

As Big Brucey points out, he couldn’t give a shit if there are some cockroach FIFOs that wanna fly up from Sydney to take jobs of Queenslanders in the mines.

“Mate this is why I voted for ScoMo. I voted for him because I thought he’d leave us the fuck alone”

“I was reading something on Facebook the other day that said something like 1 in 9 people in Sydney have coronavirus. Apparently it’s worse than New York and England”

“Why the on earth would we want those people coming up here”

“If Dutton wants to open the borders so his mates in the mines can get their cheap labour up here, then he can negotiate with the premiers like V’landys did”

However, as is usually the case, Peter Dutton has completely avoided gauging the voter sentiment and doubled down in saying things that make both him and his constituents look like they aren’t really the full quid.

In fact, after having to bite his tongue and not attempt to undermine Scott Morrison’s leadership for eight whole weeks while he recovered from Coronavirus, Dutton has has even gone as far as backing Pauline Hanson’s legal challenge to Queensland’s border closures, which some believe may be unconstitutional.


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