As millions of living rooms across Melbourne erupted into both euphoric cheers and heartbreaking cries on Saturday night, the 2021 AFL Grand Final will be remembered as one for the ages.

After 57-years, the Demons broke their premiership drought in a tense 80 minutes of inspired football. It was a match that nearly got a way from them in the third quarter, but ultimately the flag came home with a 140-66 scoreline at full time.

However, while this match of football brought some much needed joy and distraction into the lives of the vast majority of Victorians – there is still a portion of the population that feel the need to mention how little they care about ‘sportsball’.

“Haha. It was literally getting a stick and poke tattoo on Saturday night” sniggers Edwina Morecroft-Jane (28).

“I was at a picnic until dark and then went back to this semi-squat in Collingwood”

“Don’t worry the guy doing my tatt said I could claim him as an intimate partner haha”

Edwina, like thousands of other highly-educated inner-city residents of Melbourne, has no interest in the AFL – and as someone who has never had to rely on a community outside of her cushy family home in Hawthorn, she can’t see the value in organised sport.

The part-time abstract 3D printing sculptor says she’ll pay attention to sport when the arts sector gets as much funding and media attention as a paddock of men in shorts chasing around a little ball.

After such a devastating week for artists in Australia, one that saw the underfunded National Gallery of Australia forced to celebrate it’s 40th birthday with the underwhelming installation of the humble $14 million Ouroboros sculpture – Edwina has had enough of our culture being dictated by something as objective as ‘sport’.

So it comes as no surprise that she has taken great pleasure in ridiculing the most cherished past times of the working man and woman this weekend, as someone who can’t possibly fathom the tribal excitement and financial emancipation that comes from professional sport.

“Yeah.. I didn’t know it was on” she giggles.

“Some of us actually like to cheer on great thinkers, rather than pea-brain footballers”

With another ‘sportsball’ match that 60% of the nation are planning to watch scheduled in for this weekend as well, Edwina has at least 7 more days of bragging rights ahead of her.

“Yay more sportsball” she says, still glowing from the weekend’s picnic.

“I won’t be watching that either”

“All of these names mean nothing to me haha”

“I’m more interested in learning about the people who actually contributed to the discourse.”

“Ever heard of Bob Ellis? Donald Friend? Bill Henson?”

“Those are the white cis-het males that my parents taught me about.”

“Not some stupid footballers”


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