Overseas car manufacturer Holden have today declared an emergency in the state’s north, with every dealership between Rocky and Cooktown selling out of HSV Maloo utes.

This comes as Adani passes its final environmental approval – with plans begin work on its Carmichael mine in Central Queensland after nearly nine years of planning, fierce protests and endless political debate.

Over the past 18 months Adani had produced about a dozen versions of its groundwater management plan – in an effort to come into line with the state Labor government’s half-hearted attempts to to avoid destroying one of the world’s last unspoiled desert oases, the Doongmabulla Springs Complex.

However, with a federal election loss still in the rear view, Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk has managed to bypass all of these previous hold ups in eight weeks, as QLD Labor MPs work tirelessly to remain employed.

North Queenslanders are ecstatic with the news that all of their economic and social woes will now be put to bed, with tens of thousands of financed Maloo utes flying out the door today.

Representatives from the Big Four banks can also reveal that they’ve recieved hundreds of thousands of credit card applications today, by excited FIFOs who are almost certain they will be getting a piece of this pie in 6-18 months.

While the amount of jobs this mine will create is still up for debate, the Premier says at least the region’s retail sector are experiencing reprieve from the current industry recession.

“Spend, spend, spend” says Palaszczuk.

“Thats what your government is doing. It’s all good, Adani is going ahead!”

“Everything is fixed”

Harvey Norman has also reported a sharp increase in home theatre systems, while Yamaha and BCF say they haven’t sold this many watersports toys since Kevin’s stimulus package.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here