The iconic Coon cheese will be renamed on Australian supermarket shelves, after it’s new North American owners finally acknowledged the feelings of Indigenous people who have in the past flagged the fact that this particular word can also be used as a horrible racial slur towards people with dark skin.

The Montreal-based dairy company, Saputo, has previously defended the cheese brand, saying it was named in 1926 after American founder Edward William Coon.

However, in the wake of the global Black Lives Matter protests, Saputo has finally addressed the racist undertones of the brand name, saying Coon cheese would be “retired” in Australia.

“Holy shit” said Saputo in a statement.

“We thought you guys were just banging on about some sort of overly-PC microaggression. But we’ve done a bit of research into the word and and the context in which it is used in the American South and Australia and we realise that as dumb French Canadians – we didn’t really know shit”

However, the decision to rename the brand isn’t strictly out of politically correctness

“Obviously, as a multinational dairy company, we don’t give a fuck about the feelings of any people. Especially our farmers. Or some black people in some country we never visit”

“But if changing this name means more black people might buy our product. Then we are in!”

However, as relieved as majority of the nation is to finally resolve this issue and no longer have to worry about visiting African Americans like Childish Gambino posing for photos with this widely offensive brand in Australian shopping centres – there still is an incredibly vocal minority who believe doing away with racialised terminology is an attack on their way of life.

Strangely enough, these same people appear to be the more soft cheese types who wouldn’t waste their time on some sort of middle class cheddar.

The usual culture wars cunts at The Australian and Sky News are furious that they can no longer giggle to themselves every time they see that word on full display in their local shopping centres.

At time of press, there had been something like 542 clickbait articles from the NewsCorp mastheads about this offensive affront to casual Australia racism, and a bunch of alcoholic talkback radio hosts bumping their ratings by a couple hundred outraged boomers with their rhetoric around lefties trying to tell them what to do.

“How dare this brand attempt to attract a larger share of the Australian cheese market by appealing to people who may be offended by this word!” said one Sky News boomer who wouldn’t go near anything other than Camembert unless he was invited to lunch with ScoMo.

However, the cheese is now more likely to end up in the trolleys of consumers who had previously felt ostracised by the branding. The end.


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