Prime Minister Scott Morrison has today reconfirmed that Australia is aiming for “no community transmission” of COVID-19, in a return to the previous government goal of domestic elimination of the virus.

“The goal of that is, obviously, and has always been no community transmission” said the Prime Minister.

When asked how the goal for “no community transmission” would impact the staged lockdowns, the PM said this had always been the goal of a suppression strategy and there had been “no change”.

This recommitment to the “affirmation of the suppression strategy” comes as all states and territories, except for NSW and Victoria, declare that they have successfully managed to eliminate community transmission of the coronavirus in their jurisdictions.

In partnership with the the National Cabinet decision today, the nation’s grandmothers have finally decided to get involved.

A statement from the National Australian Network Of Nans and Aunties (NANNA) has today revealed that they will no longer remain silent in the face for a second COVID-19 wave.

“While we fully understand and realise that majority of our organisation sit in the high-risk population bracket, we cannot sit idly by and watch our nation suffer through record-breaking rates of community transmission”

“It has become clear that Australia’s social distancing and hygiene methods have been flawed from the start” the statement continued.

As of close of business today, millions of bars of Imperial Leather hand soap have been delivered to different CWA headquarters and bridge clubs around the country – with the aim of arming all citizens with “one bar per tap” in every Australian household.

Health experts predict this new collaboration with Australia’s grannies will almost certainly eliminate all community spread of COVID-19 – if the Imperial Leather drop offs roll out correctly.

“We will defeat this virus” wrote the NANNA statement.

“But first we must defeat the yucky germs”

“And if it ain’t Pears it’s Imperial”


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