The 2% of Australia that are ideologically opposed to immunisations have suffered a shattering blow to their movement today, after getting an old fashioned dressing down from the suburban mum of Australian politics.

Independent Tasmanian senator Jacqui Lambie has blown her lid in the Senate, accusing One Nation leader Pauline Hanson and supporters of her bill to end state-based jab mandates of “playing Russian roulette with people’s lives”.

The bill to end jab mandates was voted down yesterday but was supported by five government MPs, none of whom included the Prime Minister – despite his attempts to appeal to anti-jab protestors by demanding the government get out of peoples lives.

Senator Lambie says those who supported the bill are out of touch with most Australians, and tore strips off One Nation, who she believes are scraping the barrel to wrangle as many conspiracist votes as they can now that their usual platform of banning immigration is effectively non-existent in a pandemic.

Senator Hanson’s private members bill was introduced and voted down yesterday, but five government senators and countless coalition MPs crossed the floor to vote in favour of it, as Morrison’s backbenchers grow nervous that following his lead will mean they might have to take their kids out of private school and get a real job after the next election.

With jab hesitancy now affecting everyone’s chances of crossing borders for Christmas, Queen Jacqui has had to step up and give everyone a real serve.

During debate on the bill, Senator Lambie made a glorious speech against ending the jab mandates, saying it was pretty bloody ironic that One Nation were throwing words like ‘Discrimination’ when the only reason they exist is because of the horrible things they have said about Muslims and Aboriginal people over the years.

“Here’s the thing: Being held accountable for your own actions isn’t called discrimination, it’s called — you wouldn’t believe — being a goddamn bloody adult!!!!” she roared in the senat yesterday.

In the 12 hours since Queen Jacqui’s smack down, vax hubs around Australia are reporting a spike of hundreds of thousands of once rebellious anti-vaxxers rolling up their sleeves with their tails between their legs.

“I just don’t wanna upset Jacqui like that again” said one of Betoota’s former Anti-Vaxxers, Klyde Grayson (33, boilermaker).

“That’s was fucken scary”


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