The Opposition Leader, whose name is Anthony Albanese, has today announced a candidate drive in Queensland’s rural working class electorates that his party could once rely on every election.

While Annastacia has found success in winning back pivotal seats in the bush and FNQ at a state level, the party continues to suffer federally.

Many put this down to the amount of holier-than-thou professional uni students that infiltrated the ALP after Kevin.

But with Scotty on the ropes, it’s time for Albanese to run the ball up at those same seats. Which means Labor need to change their language and tone so to not isolate the vast majority of voters who don’t find ABC talkshows funny.

This comes as the Australian Labor Party look to capitalise on the clusterfuck of the Morrison Government’s incompetent handling of trade negotiations, jab roll-outs, aged care and womens safety.

However, to paint the map red next election, he’s gotta have a crack at every seat. Even in The Nationals heartlands.

To do this, the party needs to find ‘The Labor Bloke’ in each rural Queensland town. It’s a task that isn’t necessarily difficult, they just need to go to the bowls club and find the most argumentative bloke at the bar – usually a retired shearer who hates Scott Morrison almost as much as he hates Gus Gould.

In the Betoota Downs bowlo, you can find that bloke between 11:30am and 5pm every day.

At 67, Edmund ‘Red Ned’ Corrie is one of the last blokes willing voice his support for Labor in Western Queensland.

That doesn’t necessarily mean he’s the last Labor voter in Western Queensland, it just means he loves a blue – and relishes in the backlash that comes with winding up rednecks who’ve had their brains turned into right-wing sludge by Sky News.

His favourite past times include punching on with the fortunate sons of water-thieving blue blood farmers, and talking shit about Malcolm Turnbull.

As a retired shearer and former union delegate who ended up owning a bit of land himself, Albo reckons Red Ned could make a much better Agricultural Minister than any of these accountants that the Libs keep putting forward.

“Let me (hiccup) have a think about it” Red Ned tells the Leader of The Opposition.

“I can’t stand the fucken Rabbitohs though. Keep that shit away from me”


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