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Aspiring musician and wannabe bad boy Cameron Kelly (21) recently came to the shocking realisation that as an ancient 21-year-old he has officially missed his opportunity to be a SoundCloud rapper.

Hoping to turn his love for prescription substances and songs with less than 20 lyrics into a profit, Kelly began to upload his music to SoundCloud before realising there is no point as he is just old enough to remember 9/11.

“Fuck I’m so old,” he says.

“I’m not ‘lil anything anymore.”

Considering he is of legal age to do everything he is rapping about, Kelly, aka Lil Big-Cam, has deduced his old age has robbed him of his ability to appeal to young people by listing the namesof fashion labels over an FL Studio beat.

“These face tatts just look ridiculous now.”

Dusting the sands of time off his skinny jeans, Kelly contemplated

whether a series of violent assaults with a gay person or his girlfriend would be enough to redeem himself to an audience who feeds on youth.

“What have I got to lose now?”

I’ve already passed the average life expectancy of a SoundCloud rapper anyway.”


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