Former Prime Minister and respected Northern Beaches community elder, Uncle Tony X has today completed his Cert III in VIS (Vague Indigenous Stuff).

This comes as the The most-likely-outgoing Member for Warringah prepares himself for a transition into new employment opportunities.

Uncle Tony’s dedicated work as a white man patronisingly applying band-aid solutions to deeply entrenched social disadvantage in the Aboriginal community has been recognised around the country, ever since he gave a conditional yes to taking on the job of the Federal Government’s Indigenous envoy.

Prime Minister Scott Morrison did not ask Mr Abbott to be a minister in his new Government, but instead asked him to take on the role of envoy, citing his close association with Aboriginal Australia after growing up in a six bedroom mansion in Sydney’s Northern Beaches and working for the Liberal Party for nearly three decades.

However, with the Independent candidate for Warringah, Zali Steggall, looking more and more likely to take Uncle Tony’s job – the Special Envoy has been forced to explore other employment opportunities for white guys who are apparently ‘really good with the blackfellas’.

While Uncle Tony says the obvious end game is to land a job lecturing other white people about Aboriginal Affairs at Sydney University – right now he’s going to have to settle for filming hip hop videos with the jarjums in Outback communities he’s previously had nothing to do with.

“Ayee look out” says Uncle Tony, while filming a bunch of youngsters dancing traditionally, which he will eventually overlay with a garage-band sounding beat from a drum machine.

“This is gonna look deadly!”


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