ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Just weeks after storming to power, Australia’s new communist government is asking the peasants to limit their energy use as the nation’s infrastructure begins to buckle under the pressure.
President-for-life Anthony Albanese’s energy General, Chris Bowen, has told the state media this morning that energy producers have been put on notice during this crisis to create more energy despite the producer’s ageing power plants failing to stay online during high-demand periods.
General Bowen explained there would be repercussions for both energy producers and peasants who flippantly use power during this crisis period.
“The penalty for being a traitor to the national power grid will be severe,” said General Bowen.
“Say, if our secret policy (trade unions) find you wasting power, such as by being lazy and using a Thermomix to cook dinner instead of eating a modest dinner of beans on bread, the consequence will be liquidation,”
“And for the energy producers, perhaps we send in the heavies from the Flight Attendants’ Association of Australia, a fine trade union, to take control of these power plants and put the owners in the cooling pond face down?”
“Until the Albanese Regime finds a solution that doesn’t involve rolling blackouts, this will be the response.”
A Betoota Heights peasant explains to The Advocate that he felt confused and mildly angry by the government’s request, telling our reporters in the breadline that he thought we won the Cold War and didn’t have to live like this.
Darren Stuckey, a bauxite miner with no formal education and seven investment mortgages to service, said he will use the power he wants and pay for it.
“Mate,” he said.
“What’s the go with these Labor pricks? They’ve been in for three weeks and now everything has gone to shit. Have you seen the ASX this morning? All my speccy miners have gone off the board. Mate, even the Big Aussie is hurting. We’re fucked mate. We’re fucking fucked. Now that everyone’s as broke as a crypto puffer jacket chode, this country is going to go to shit,”
“And on top of that, they want us to live in the dark and eat raw toast and beans. Like uncooked bread. We even got a toaster at Jackson sucking oil, mate, and that camp was rougher than a cat’s tongue,”
“What are we supposed to do.”
More to come.