Following NSW Labor’s catastrophic bed-shit over the weekend, the Federal Opposition have decided that it might be worth doing and saying some stuff before the upcoming election.

High-ranking Labor powerbrokers have declared that while the incumbent Prime Bradbury Bill Shorten appears to be scandal-free for now, his lack of policy regarding fish kills, climate change, asylum seekers, decentralisation, infrastructure, and anything else that would warrant an emotive response from the Australian public – probably means he doesn’t have the momentum to carry him through even the slightest of gaffes.

These new late-night training sessions will include a special focus on not vilifying Asians to win cheap political points in the Blue Mountains, and talking about things other than stadiums

“We are going to be going pretty hard on him over the next few weeks,” explained a high ranking union official.

“Locking him in a room, and forcing him to answer questions and give his opinion on things without informing him what the Government’s position is on the issue.”

“I’ll be honest with you, the first few sessions were tough. He begged us to give him hints, little snippets of info and prompts. But he seems to be making some improvements.”

“The signs are promising.”

“The next stage is going to be sending him down to pubs and making him interact with local punters to hone up on his interpersonal skills.”

The insider explained that only then will the party be confident Shorten can withstand a minor gaffe or slip up.

“Anything big and it’s Tanya Time, but until then, fingers crossed.”


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