ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Prior to his morning jog around Lake Burley-Griffin this morning, the leader of the Opposition felt safe enough to remove the stab-proof vest he’s been wearing for the past fortnight.

In the lead up to last Saturday’s by-elections, clouds were beginning to form over Bill Shorten’s capacity to lead the Labor Party to the next election – but after retaining all four seats of the seats previously held by Labor, it seems the Victorian has all-but cemented himself as the captain.

Many analysts and political commentators agreed that the Saturday by-elections were to be a litmus test for the public’s confidence in Bill Shorten, whereby a loss of any seats could trigger a knifing event.

That lead Bill Shorten’s team to recommend he start wearing a stab-proof vest to work to prevent a stabbing should it occur in the lead-up – or after a terrible result.

“It’s quite hard to jog in,” laughed Shorten as he took the vest off this morning in Canberra.

“Honestly, I’ve got half a roll of electric tape over my nipples it chaffed that bad. But yeah, a good result for the party over the weekend. The people of Australia are beginning to cotton on that the Coalition is selling them down the river and the real people leading the nation are the Liberal god squad,”

“Going into an election either by Christmas or early next year, I reckon we’ll shit it in this time. If not, I’ll give someone else a go. But for now, I’m going to frisbee this fucking vest in the lake and get on with the job.”

The Advocate reached out to the office of Tanya Plibersek and Anthony Albanese for comment, but have yet to receive a reply.

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here