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“If you accidently smash into a brush-tailed possum while driving and leave it desperately crippled, what do you do next?” 

This was the question posed to the Advocate by RBA governor Philip Lowe via Skype just moments ago.

“You get out of your Lexus, grab a golf club out of the boot and put the poor bastard out of its misery,” he explained.

Dr Lowe was using this crude analogy to explain the logic behind the board’s recent decision to raise the cash rate again for the 11th time. Still, the Advocate had to clarify just who the possum represented in this graphic tale? Was it inflation itself or the millions of Australians who are struggling to pay their already unaffordable rents and mortgages?

The Doctor of Economics opened his mouth slowly and methodically, until eventually it warped into something that resembled an unsettling grin.

“You tell me, possum?” he whispered.

Not sure how to respond, the Advocate mentioned how almost none of the RBA’s board have qualifications that would help them understand how to make informed decisions on monetary policy settings. Most of them are general business types without any technical knowle –

“Quiet!” Lowe interrupted and abruptly asked, “Have you got a PhD from MIT?” Our reporter shook their head, no. “Do you earn close to $1m a year?” Again we shook our head.

“S’what I thought.” He eyeballed us hard.

Not quite sure what was going on, the Advocate continued the point on whether it was wise to have unqualified business types with no monetary policy experience deciding on what the cash rate should be?

He looked at us like we’d just farted. As if he was talking to a child, he said: “The independent review already recommended we split the board in two, dickhead. One for interest rate setting and the other for all that governance crap.”

“But if it’ll make you and the rest of the peasants feel better, how about I make you another promise?” He warped his face into that unsettling grin again, making it seem like the promise was a trap.

Hesitantly, our team said ok. He laughed, said: “I promise the RBA will pause choosing board members with no monetary policy experience until 2024.” Then he called us a “lil’ bitch” and ended the call.


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