ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

“Fuck Collingwood!” he said to unsurprisingly low fanfare.

The Opposition Leader opened his press conference in Melbourne this morning with a bang, donning a West Coast Eagles beanie while he weighed into the political bin fire that is the ABC currently.

“Did you see the fucking front page of the fucking Herald Sun and the fucking Tele this fucking morning?”

“They’ve turned on the fucking government, which by my fucking understanding means they’re fucking done for,”

“Hang on a minute [laughs to self] Does that mean fucking NewsCorp is becoming more impartial? Shit! Now that they have it in for us and the Coalition? Was it a full moon last fucking night? Fuck me roan!”

An ABC journalist then asked Bill Shorten to stop swearing because it was making him feel uncomfortable.

Shorten then apologised and laughed sheepishly.

“Well then, I guess I’ve got this one in the bag provided I don’t have a bit of a senior’s moment and break a cab driver’s arm. You never know, though. Kimbo Beazealey-o had it made a few times but never got the bickies. The fight isn’t over.”

Another reporter, this time from Fairfax, asked Shorten about the ongoing crisis at the ABC.

“It’s not a good look, is it?” he said.

“But whatever, I actually couldn’t give a fuck. All I have to do now is just sit in a beanbag until March. Take the keys off Scott and throw the Lodge’s Gideon Bibles in the recycling. Everything’s coming up Bill.”

More to come.


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