Peter Dutton has today revealed to the nation that a leopard can indeed change its spots.

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In quintessentially Australia fashion, the Home Affairs Minister has changed his position on an issue after being personally affected by it.

Like plenty of others have done before him, Dutton is transitioning into a bit of a progressive leftie after feeling the brunt of a strong-armed government.

Stranded in the Christmas Island Detention Centre, the man who designed the scheme himself is currently performing a moral u-turn and becoming a human rights advocate after a long record of blatantly facilitating the abuse of human rights and vilifying minorities.

After climbing onto the Detention Centre’s roof yesterday to protest the inhumane conditions he’s living in, Dutton has this morning caused a scene by smashing some windows in.

“I’m sick of this fucking fascist government,” said the irate Dutton clad in a rainbow scarf, red star hat, septum piercing and new stretcher.

“How can the quiet Australians stand for treating other human beings like this.”

“You know what’s happening here is torture?”

“You fucking know that right? Actual journalists (no offence) should be allowed onto this island to show the rest of the country what is happening here.”

“How are we, the lucky country, receeding so much further back into a classist society driven by greed and self-interest with no sense of community and moral conscience?”

Dutton then spat on the feet of one of the guards employed by the company owned by his mate.

“This place is fucked. It’s a national disgrace,” he said before walking off to scheme another method of disruption.


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