CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
As the polls begin to tighten in the lead up to the 2025 Federal Election, it seems that the Liberal Party have had to revise their path to victory.
Starting with female voters.
It seems the sheilahs haven’t yet swung back to the Coalition ever since the last Liberal Prime Minister said the female protestors were lucky to not be met with bullets on Parliament lawn.
The Liberals will need the support of every voter with boobs that they can get this year, as the current leader continues to isolate every other demographic with a string of nightmare gaffes.
Dual-citizens, young parents, public servants and Indigenous people have all been the victims of short-sighted Liberal Party culture wars at some point over the last term of Parliament. That’s why they need to win back as many women as they can.
Initially it seemed that Peter Dutton’s election strategy was to sit back and criticise the government’s every decision for three years, and hope that the cost-of-living crisis got so bad that voters elected them out of poverty-stricken rage.
But with inflation now appearing to be under control and an interest rate cut last quarter, the Liberals are no longer able to pitch themselves as the better economic managers. Not when the graphs show that all of this started under Scott Morrison.
That in itself is going to be a phrase we hear more often as the election campaign begins: ‘this started under Scott Morrison’.
Scotty From Marketing’s legacy as the most incompetent Australian Prime Minister since Billy Mcmahon continues to leave a stench around the Liberal Party.
And one lasting repercussion was the hemorrhaging of female voters to Labor and the Teals – after a spectacularly grotesque run of misogynistic scandals rocked the Morrison Government
Even Nationals leader David Littleproud MP has said more needs to be done to win back the women.
“I don’t think we can run away from it. I think we lost a lot of female voters at the last election… I don’t think that there was a great love of Scott Morrison… So Peter is wearing that legacy.” Littleproud told Sky News yesterday.
So with a reality check from his own Coalition partners, and string of unfavourable polls, Peter Dutton has decided that today is day 1 of the new and improved female friendly Liberal Party.
In a press conference today, Peter Dutton has revealed that he is now taking part in a Go-To skincare regime like one of those modern blokes who carry on like homosexuals but actually do quite well with the women.
“I’ve always been a loyal subscriber to Zoe Foster Blake’s tips for maintaining a glowing, luminous look” said the Federal Opposition leader, while wearing a serum-drenched face mask.
“I’m a big believer that skincare is self-care.”
“And just like this Go-To Transformazing mask, the Liberal Party vows to transform Australia’s dull and dehydrated economy”
“Amiright girls?!”
