Tensions continue to rise in Canberra this week, after Scotty From Marketing was told to wait patiently until his coalition allies in the National Party are ready to admit to the climate science that they’ve actively been writing off as hippy rubbish for the last twenty years.

The government is trying to gently convince the Nationals to support its net zero by 2050 climate plan, which was only announced last week, after Scotty decided to accept an invitation to join other world leaders in Glasgow next month to discuss the need to take action against the changing climate.

The Nationals say they may not decide before next month’s international climate conference, which is a very embarrassing scenario for Scotty, who now must pretend he cares about the environment because Rupert Murdoch told him to.

The Prime Minister who does not want to head over to Scotland empty handed – especially after being pressured by his heroes, the Queen of England

However, the national party fears the current plan does not insulate their political donors from the tax-dodging mining sector from economic harm, and say they do not appreciate being bossed around by the latte-sipping Liberals.

“We worked a full day yesterday” says one central Queensland MP who prefers to remain nameless because he wouldn’t mind eventually getting a 200k pay rise as the assistant minister for roads.

“11pm to 7pm”

“Those are some long hours. And it’s still not enough for them”

“We will not be dictated on how to best represent Gina Rinehart and Senator Matt Cavanan’s coal mine-owner brother by some inner-city wet Liberals who’ve never worked an eight hour day like we just did”

However, the full blown climate denialism isn’t across the board with the Nats.

Another MP, a Victorian Nat who is really worried he might have to take his kids out of private school if Albo paints the map read next election, says personally he supports the notion that burning fossil fuels at an accelerating rate for 200 years might actually be fucking up the planet.

“But still, it’s hard to admit that when you’ve got toffy bastards like Morrison telling us what to do”

“In his efforts to get photographed next to Biden and Boris, he’s completely divided our party, his party, and our coalition”

“The coalition hasn’t been this divided since Turnbull banned us from rooting staff”

“Smug prick”


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