Prime Minister Morrison has experienced the horrid feeling of his soul being consumed upon, after shaking hands with a gliding, wraith-like dark creature once employed by the Australian Ministry of Immigration as the guard of Nauru Prison.

The Minister, who originates from the Division of Dickson, was in the role of Dementor for the Ministry of Immigration from 21 December 2014 until like a week ago, in which time his defection to the Dark Lord’s cause became undeniable.

Following the news last month that Peter Dutton MP had divided his soul in to seven horcruxes ahead of a possible coalition leadership spill, spurred on by NewsLimited, it seems even the Australian Prime Minister is vulnerable to the Dementor’s Kiss.

The Dementor’s Kiss is the act of a Dementor sucking out a person’s soul. It was sometimes used as a sentence for criminals by the Ministry of Immigration, and is considered a fate worse than death.

Prime Minister Morrison, who himself has dabbled as a dementor in the past, was noticeably rattled as Dutton began feeding off his soul in a way that is usually reserved for illegal immigrants and asylum seekers who find themselves within the walls of Nauru.

“He was aware that his soul was being torn from him the moment he touched the Dementor’s hand” said one aide.

“He was quick to wrap up the handshake before he ended up in a vegetative state”

“He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Prime-Minister [Dutton] must be still spewing about missing out on the top job, after fucking up the libspill numbers. He’s not very bright”

“Still, he knows how to run a tidy offshore Azkaban”

As described in popular anglo-saxon folklore, Dementors feed upon human happiness, and thus cause depression and despair to anyone near them. They can also consume a person’s soul, leaving their victims in a permanent vegetative state and thus are often referred to as “soul-sucking fiends“.

They are known to leave a person as an ’empty-shell’ which can sometimes result in self-immolation.

As was discovered underneath the Rudd Ministry, Dementors hold no true loyalty, except to whomever can provide them with the most people to feed off.

Peter Dutton has responded to the allegations that he was attempting a ‘Dementor’s Kiss’ on the Governer-General. He says it is so typical of the lefty media to use the handshake as an opportunity to push their pro-LGBTI, anti-self-immolation agenda.

“Wtf is a Demetors kiss?” he posted to twitter.

“Sounds gay as”


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