As the moderate Liberal voter base continues bleeding out to Independent candidates with catastrophic momentum, inner-city MPs from Melbourne and Sydney are now tackling these growing challenges the only way they know how: by complaining incessantly and making shit up.

This comes as the Morrison Government’s 2022 re-lection campaign has been rocked by a dark horse that no one could have predicted while they spent months avoiding a Net Zero commitment and trying their hardest to ban gay teachers from Australian schools.

A group of mostly female Independent candidates are currently polling miles ahead of some of Morrison’s most underutilised and ignored moderate MPs, such as Dave Sharma, Tim Wilson, Trent Zimmerman, Jason Fallinksi – and even Treasurer Josh Frydenberg.

The Independents are hitting the streets with thousands of more volunteers by the day, as their grassroots campaigns to win some of Australia’s wealthiest electorates continues to grow.

Spanning the country from Perth and Adelaide to Sydney, Melbourne and parts of regional Victoria – a terrified Liberal party is now very much at risk of losing their once most reliable electorates to a bunch of highly qualified corporate women who keep talking about climate change and political corruption.

This has seen handful of promising young Liberals forced to reconcile with the fact that they are now facing ‘hurdles’ that may stifle their professional ambitions – for the first time in their lives.

To counter this, some MPs have decided to show voters why they are the better candidate, by spitting the dummy and complaining like privileged little Young Liberals whose parents have made them pay for their own ski lift pass at Thredbo.

The pettiness began as early as February, with Tim Wilson MP demanding that Melbourne’s Bayside council fine residents for erecting posters in support of his independent opponent before the election had been called.

Since then, both Wilson and Sharma have resorted to reporting volunteers for putting placards on telegraph poles – which is apparently not allowed this year. A surefire way of winning over public support in a tight election race.

Others have made vague claims of vandalism committed by ‘outsiders’, which didn’t seem to be worrying enough to report to local police.

It is not yet known if these embattled rich boys will find any luck with this new strategy of behaving the exact way we imagined the fortunate sons of inner-city elites would behave when met with an unflattering merit-based selection process.

The Liberal MPs were approached for comment, but refused to engage, just like how they are all refusing to debate their opponents at community forums.


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