WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact

After being wound up by a few commuters on the bus this morning, an angry boomer has received some interesting news.

Midway through a racist, homophobic and sexist tirade, the man was offered the opportunity to run as a candidate for the Liberal Party, in following with the nature of some of the candidates who’ve been making news in the last few days.

The 69-year-old retired accountant, Ray Ceste-Kent, who usually drives into town but decided to get the bus today, was midway through abusing one of our town’s immigrants when he received the huge phone call.

Initiating the offensive and disgusting rant which will have the police knocking on his door later this afternoon, Ceste-Kent had to pause midway through a lecture on ‘Australian values’ to take a phone call from the Prime Minister.

Pausing the abuse aimed at a university student who was born and raised in Betoota but isn’t caucasian, the old man who struggles for a meaningful relationship with his son who he refuses to acknowledge is gay, had to take stock of who was on the other end of the line.

“Gday mate, Scott Morrison here, but you can call me Sco-Mo bloke,” the Prime Minister laughed.

“Now, I know you’ve got some interesting views, we’ve seen that on your’s and Cherryl’s Facebook and we had an interesting proposition for you,” he continued.

“How’d ya like to be a Member of Parliament mate,” he said like he was a coach of a professional football team re-enacting the offering of a young player a contract for the social media team to film.

Ceste-Kent, initially shocked said he would love to, but he’d have to have a chat about it with the ‘ball and chain’ – an microaggressive reference to his wife of 60 years.

Morrison then informed him to have a bit of a think about it, and let them now by the end of the day.

“We’ll let us know, and keep doing god’s work mate. Talk soon.”

Ceste-Kent told us he will make a decision by the end of the day once he figures out what franking credits are, and how they benefit him.

More to come.


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