With Opposition Leader Anthony Albanese still in isolation for the rest of the week, the Labor Party are doing their best to run a campaign without wheeling out any politicians who may remind the voters of the disastrous 2019 election.

With Bill Shorten and Chris Bowen handcuffed to the desks in their electoral offices, only to be let free for long lunches with their union mates, the ALP has had to look elsewhere within the party for temporary leadership.

The clever tactic of rotating unknown silverfoxes across press conferences appears to be working, as the nameless MPs and senators have such low profiles that NewsCorp can’t even remember their names – let alone run a smear campaign against them.

It seems Penny Wong and Kristina Keneally are also no longer options to lead the party at this time, after both Sky News and Channel 9 dragged them back into the news cycle last month with accusations of murdering their own colleagues in cold blood.

Without the Mean Girls or Negative Gearing Boys on the bench, the entire campaign now rests upon random white Gen-X blokes who look assistant coaches of mildly succesful AFL clubs.

However, it seems this strategy can only last so long, with Albanese still locked down in Marrickville until Friday.

Meanwhile Albanese is still attempting to campaign from home, making the catastrophic decision to appear on Ray Hadley’s talkback radio programme this morning – where he was berated for refusing to publicly refute the findings of 99% of the world’s scientists.

It is not yet known who will step up next to take the reins, but party insiders are begging Kevin Rudd to stay home.


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