As Scotty From Marketing continues to poll worse than any Liberal Prime Minister since the Vietnam War, the only punch that seems to be landing on his Federal Opposition is the overreaching allegations that senior ALP members have effectively conspired to assassinate their own colleagues.

Parliament’s ‘mean girls’ saga has surprisingly made more front pages on the Murdoch mastheads than any of the catastrophic natural disasters or bungled public health roll-outs that have plagued the government throughout their embattled last term.

Jilted allies of the Victorian Labor Right faction have been feeding the fire that their own party is responsible for the invention of this horrible phenomena known as workplace bullying, working alongside the Morrison Government’s friends in both the NewsCorp and Channel 9 newspapers.

However, it would seem this news story appears to be a ‘Canberra Bubble’ issue, with very few voters even tuning in to learn the names of those involved.

One man that appears to give even less of a fuck is the Independent MP for the North Queensland electorate of Kennedy, the honourable Bob Katter III.

Speaking to the media in Mount Isa today, Katter first condemned workplace bullying, before revealing that he isn’t actually that sure of what workplace bullying looks like.

“I detest workplace bullying of any kind, but i have to say that these precious media wowsers certainly have a rather lightweight definition of it.” began Katter, already chuckling at himself.

“Snarky comments between colleagues were a part of the job when i was on the road trains up in The Gulf, mind you it’s a bit different coming through a two-way radio. And i tell you what, you’d have to face the music when ya ran into each other. I remember one bloke, i think he was driving for RTA, Sully his name was, anyway, he’d been running me down for months to anyone who’d listen. All the usual kind of dribble about me shying away from the big jobs, or that i didn’t know how to look after me rig.”

The media looked on in awe as Katter somehow tangented from the nation’s biggest political news story in Australia, to a personal anecdote from his days working as as truck driver in the 1970s.

“One night i caught having a snooze behind the wheel in the rest area between Julia Creek and Hughenden. So i thought righto, I’m gonna get this bastard. I brought my truck around and quietly parked it about ten metres in front of him, so that we were facing each other head-on. From there, I hit the high beam and the horn all at once. This goose sat bolt upright like he’d just woken up from a microsleep. Gave him a real fright down to his bones. Next thing ya know he’s climbing out of the cab trying to square up, but it’d become evidently clear that he’d soiled himself. He just collapsed on the red dirt in a heap of his own sweat and shit, and I pulled back on to the road laughing at him. I cannot explain how funny it was.”


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