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Australia’s very own Member for Manilla has sensationally announced he will be walking away from politics to pursue a career in boxing.

The maverick borderline conspiracist made the call last night, revealing that he would not re-contest the next election in a bid to kick-start a career throwing hands.

“Paul Gallen. Let’s dance little man,” said the MP who is paid to represent the seat of Dawson but has spent huge amounts of time in South East Asia.

After years of increasingly spouting culture wars rhetoric in an attempt to get guys at school who bullied him to like him, Christensen has now set his sights on a trilogy battle with Paul Gallen.

He’s demanded the fight take place in his favourite spot in the world, the Philippines.

“Gal, you, me, the ring, Manilla. Time for someone to de-rail this G-train.”

“This will be the Thrilla in Manilla trilogy sequel the world has been waiting for,” Christensen said, referencing the fabled third fight between Muhammed Ali and ‘Smokin’ Joe Frazier in Manilla.

“It’s gonna be a thriler, and a chiller, when I beat the… See you can’t say anything these days,” he tailed off.

“Politics is broken,” said the big fella who has made a job of sharing dangerous conspiracy theories on social media.

“You can’t make any meaningful change anymore,” he announced last night, calling time on a lengthy career of advocating for the sugar and fossil fuels industry.

“Anyway, like many of you, despite my best efforts trying to suppress information about it, Manilla is a second home to me,” said the man who spent nearly a year in total in the Filipino capital between 2014 and 2018.

“So that’s where I want to fight Gal. Hopefully I can get Lauren Southern to be one of my ring girls,” he laughed.

“If not, I’ve got plenty of other friends around Manilla who might like the job.”

Christensen then refused to comment on whether he was quitting politics because he actually had to stay in his electorate over the last 12 months rather than just spend his time in South East Asia.

Paul Gallen is yet to respond formerly to the call out, but as his fellow commentators on Channel 9 frequently reference, if there’s money it, the G train’s probably keen to dance.

More to come.


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