WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact

The Opposition Leader and aspiring Prime Minister Bill Bradbury Shorten has today pulled out all the stops in a bold attempt to win over the nation’s marginal voters.

Hoping to skate his way past everyone else come mid May, Shorten has this week decided to throw the keys to his Nissan Cube in the bowl.

With his wires potentially somewhat crossed, it seems as though Bradbury Shorten was attempting to win over the highly important swing voters ahead of the May 18 election, by attending a local Swingers event in Betoota’s French Quarter.

‘Keys in the bowl parties’ are often associated with sexual ‘swinging’ events, whereby by couples exchange partners based upon people picking keys out of the bowl at random.

Shorten explained that by taking part in the event, he was hoping to win crucial votes ahead of the election.

“Everyone always goes on about how important it is to secure the swinging voter, so that’s what I’m going to go ahead and do,” he said.

“I’m not leaving this to chance, my whole life has been leading up to this election and will be entirely defined by it. So if it takes me chucking the keys in the bowl, that’s what I’ll do.”

“It might not be conventional, going ahead and doing this sort of thing, but I’ll do anything to secure votes and win.”

“I’ll even say something dirty, like ‘Stop Adani,’ or ‘privatise medicare’ if push comes to shove.”

“Actually please don’t put that in,” he asked.

We then pretended the line went dead before he finished asking the question and left Shorten to it.

More to come.


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