Barnaby Joyce is back in the headlines today after calling for a Royal Commission into a ‘pressing issue.’

Speaking earlier today the Former Deputy Prime Minister and Kiwi citizen, called for an inquiry into ‘what the fuck’s going on with the new Carlton Dry bottles.’

The maverick MP from New England told our reporters that it was time something was done regarding the issue.

“The nation is entitled to know who the fuck came up with this idea of the Ring Pull,” a fired-up Joyce said.

“I mean, as everyone already knows, I’m a ‘New’ man (Tooheys) through and through, but that isn’t influencing my stance on this issue. This is a matter of public interest.”

“I mean, what faded cut jeans and trendy New Balance wearing marketing genius came up with this idea?”

“The ring pull is for Bundaberg Ginger Beer and their other varieties of bubbly pop water, and that’s it.”

The aspiring leader of the National Party explained that there were so many other disturbing facets of the chance of bottle top that it nothing less than a Royal Commission would suffice.

“How is anyone supposed to pop the top off a bottle and do the thumb finger flick of the top across the room at someone?”

“And then there’s the whole fact that they’ve gone ahead and reduced the size of the bottle from 355 ml to 330 ml which I don’t need to explain, is an affront to the nation.”

“If Morrison is as fair dinkum a bloke as he tells us numerous times every single day, then he’ll call a Royal Commission into this mess now.”

Barnaby Joyce then ruled out waiting on Shorten to push it through next year.

“He’s a real middy kind of guy, isn’t he? I reckon he is probably a fan of the smaller bottle sizes.”

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here