ASIO Urges Christensen To Stop Opening Penis Enlargement Pop Ups To Prevent Future Cyberhacks

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact

Members of Australia’s Parliament have been urged to be on high alert this week in the wake of a recent cyber attack that the Prime Minister doesn’t seem to give a fuck about.

The cyber attack was reported a few days ago, and the nation’s cyber security agencies believe was orchestrated by a foreign government, has lead to tightened security measures across all levels of parliament, and a stern talking to with Nationals MP George Christensen.

“We’ve briefed plenty of people over the last couple of days and implored them to resist temptation when it comes to opening spam emails, particularly those related to enhancing the length of one of your natural assets,” an anonymous cybersecurity official said.

“These sicko Coalition MPs are almost certainly to blame”

“We made a special effort and had a bit of a sit down with George (Christensen) to implore him not to open any pop-ups or emails relating to the size of the Member for Dawson’s member if you know what I mean.”

“We sat down with Bill (Shorten) obviously as well, but really had a long chat with George to make sure he isn’t clicking on these pop-ups and making us vulnerable to more attacks.”

“He’s given us his word that he won’t do it, so fingers crossed.”

The Advocate contacted Christensen about the quick computer lesson this morning for comment and were informed that he wasn’t isn’t impressed.

“This is just a smear campaign by ASIO, to try and drag my name through the mud,” an irate Christensen said from his desk.

“If they wanted to lecture anyone about it, they should be speaking to Broad.”

“I’m not concerned about my size.”

“I’m very comfortable with it, and if I wasn’t I’d just be getting the pills over in the Philippines on my next trip anyway, not buying them off some dodgy website.”