CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
There have been distressing scenes reported from the Nation’s Capital today, after a number of witnesses claim to have seen roughly 104 kilos of skinless Italian sausage tumbling across Parliament House lawn
Leader of the Opposition leader Anthony Albanese has made a bold political statement this afternoon, by strutting across the rolling greens in nothing but high-waisted women’s shapewear.
The ALP leader was believed to have been attempting to highlight the urgent need for Australia to ‘flatten the curve’ of Coronavirus, by showing the public that even the most buxom curves can be reined in by a bit of support and a team effort.
In scientific terms ‘flattening the curve’ means slowing how fast Corovavirus infects the Australian public.
By limiting opportunities for the virus to jump from person to person – by adopting “social distancing” measures (such as staying 1.5 metres away from others and avoiding public spaces) as well as improving hygiene and isolating those infected or exposed – will stretch out the spread of COVID-19 over time, giving doctors and the scientists furiously working on devloping vaccine – space to breathe.
While many in the medical community are begging for the government to make stronger efforts around closing schools and banning all public gatherings – Albo says his stunt today was to make sure the current government precautions are burned into everyone’s brains for all eternity.
“Some of you may, uh, like what you see” said the Member For Grayndler, while digging his toes into the plush green lawn.
“Hopefully enough that my half naked body is a sight you won’t forget any time soon” he giggled.
“Others, might not like this sight at all. My aim is for both camps to have this vision in their dreams tonight, be they nightmares or otherwise”
“We musn’t forget the importance of flattening the curve”
Mr Albanese went on to point out that if he, and three straffers, can manage to squeeze his husky Marrickville chassis inside a pair of Spanx Oncore Hight-Waisted Mid-Thigh body shorts – then Australia should be able to easily overcome the drastic pandemic of COVID-19.
“It just takes a bit of teamwork and a lot of listening” said Albanese.
“And a couple litres of olive oil”