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Former Deputy Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has today moved quickly to avoid any confrontation with local police today, after a close call during his commute home from the Burwood cinemas.

The Member For Grayndler acted swiftly to avoid controversy after one of the eshays in his group chat sent through a warning about jacks at Lewisham station in Sydney’s inner-west.

Just months of an election, it isn’t lost on Albo that spending an afternoon in the lock up might not help his chances with the growing voter bloc of Range-Rover mums in his electorate.

“Fuck that noise” he said.

“I gotta get rid of this itsh”

With only one station to go until an inevitable pat-down, the Shadow Minister for Infrastructure, Transport, Cities and Regional Development managed to flick his FILA bumbag onto the tracks just before the doors closed.

“It’s etswah” he said.

“I’ve got my phone in my dacks”

Without identifying what might’ve been in his bummie, Albo says it’s not worth getting pinched with anything, especially given his likelihood of being Prime Minister a couple months after the next election.

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