CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Scott Morrison has today politely ignored former Prime Minister Tony Abbott’s tips on how to keep the masses happy in the 2019 Federal Budget.
This comes as The Nightwatchman says the coalition, but mostly the Liberal Party, has been working towards the surplus it will deliver in Tuesday’s budget since it was elected in 2013.
However, the soon to be unemployed Member For Warringah, Tony Abbott, says he worries Morrison might be pandering a bit too much to the working underclasses and atheists.
“Scott. I know times have changed and we have to look like we believe in climate change” he said.
“But I’m hoping you had a little read through of the budget I pulled together in my 20 months as Prime Minister”
The 2014 Australian federal budget was the federal budget to fund government services and operations for the 2014/15 financial year. The 2014 budget was the first delivered by the Abbott Government, since the Coalition’s victory in the 2013 Australian federal election and put a big focus on making the poor pay for medical appointments, while also allowing concessions for ballet, and attempting to cut costs on mental health by replacing trained public school counsellors with Christian clergymen.
Abbott, who’s is starting to fear his time in the top job has become so irrelevant that he might not even get a state funeral, says if there’s one legacy he’s willing to stand behind, it’s that he made ballet cheaper for rich people in the North Shore.
“Remember. The punters might like the idea of a free medical appointment, but don’t rob them of the chance for their daughters and lavender-scented sons to learn the elegance of performance dance”
“Also, don’t underestimate how effective these Christian counsellors are at infiltrating public schools with their spiritual guidance”
However, while confident that his pentecostal Turnbull Lite will make the right decision regarding rich people hobbies and Christian counselling, he also had one big criticism.
“What’s all this shit about raising the Newstart?”
“We are creating a welfare state of flakey Australian citizens living off extortionate lifelong pensions for doing fuck all in their lives!”