World News

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Lovers of Japan are in high spirits today as it has been confirmed any questions about the 3000-year-old culture can be answered by your co-worker Keaton who went to Japan two years ago. Keaton was recently sworn in as a Japanese culture expert during the painstaking period of office pre-lunch where everyone is asking each other what sad excuses...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT An outspoken activist who has risen to prominence in her role as a barista at a popular inner-North Melbourne book shop cafe has today done her part to ensure a win for the democrats in the critical US Mid Terms. As an avid follower of American politics, Carla Leonie (25) has today urged her 461 instagram followers, most...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT After 15 seasons of making the world laugh the beloved animated family sitcom The Simpsons will be discontinuing the subcontinental character of Apu, which marks a huge win in the fight against yellow supremacy. Thirty years ago, the world fell in love with the four-fingered family and their wacky world which included Kwik-E-Mart owner Apu Nahasapeemapetilon who was a...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The bosses at tech giant Google have been forced to sit all their nerds down today for a stern chat. This comes after thousands of Google staff across the world staged a series of walkouts in protest at claims of sexual harassment, gender inequality and systemic racism. The protests and walkouts follow allegations of sexual misconduct made against senior execs,...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation of Ireland and its diaspora have this week been dealt a cruel blow. The small but well-known island off the coast of England has had to come to terms with reality again after their little prince Conor McGregor fell from grace rather unceremoniously. From County Kerry to Boston to Bondi, those with green and orange running through their...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Despite being above average intelligence, local man William Robson (34) doesn’t mind the odd superhero film which is why he is annoyed that JB HiFi was playing Black Panther on display TVs even though it only came out about a year ago. Although he has a computer capable of purchasing items online, Robson entered his local JB...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As Australian audiences finish bingeing the second season of American crime drama show, Ozark, viewers say they can't help but laugh at one glaringly obvious plot hole. That, is that Wendy Bryde (played by Laura Linney) talking about her dream of moving to Mullumbimby, which according to her, is on the Gold Coast. "Hahahahah" laughs one Australian viewer, Clare Manningly (37),...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd has been slammed by the man who gave him the top job today after he criticised him for meddling in federal politics. Newspaper mogul Rupert Murdoch, a minor stakeholder in The Advocate's parent company, lashed out at the once-popular politician in response to the criticisms, saying Rudd is 'ungrateful'. "How fucking dare he," said Murdoch...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "It starts WHEN?" asked Malcolm loudly in his barrister's voice. "Half past five in the morning? Are you mad? And of all the places, why on Earth would you think I'd want to go there?" As this news organ is simply a front to promote Turnbullist policy and ideas, The Advocate enjoys a weekly phone call with the former prime minister Malcolm Turnbull...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by the School Of Social Sciences at the University Of Queensland has found that prominent late 1990s country pop singer, Shania Twain, had almost unattainably high standards for prospective lovers. This reports comes as the world prepares to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the iconic Canadian singer's single "That Don't Impress Me Much" from her...