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America’s White Boys Urged To Calm Down And Make More Music Like Justin Timberlake’s 2002 Debut Solo Album ‘Justified’

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Today marked the beginning of the Democratic convention, which will ultimately end with the commencement of the Biden/Harris Presidential campaign. The socially-distant gathering of the political powerbrokers tasked with ousting President Trump from the White House will be held over the next three days, followed by the Republican National Convention next week. Former first lady Michelle Obama condemned the US...

Elon Musk Does Weird Thing

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact The Tech World is abuzz this week after Elon Musk did some sort of weird thing.  The thing, which proved the old saying that the only difference between eccentric and crazy is money was announced by Elon on Twitter, to the congratulations on fans, whilst others shook their heads and wondered what he was thinking.  “I think it’s a...

Overseas Friends Not Aware They’re Living In COVID-19 Ravaged Countries According To Instagram

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Coronavirus is continuing its spread across the world, with more than 20 million confirmed cases in 188 countries. More than 700,000 people have lost their lives. Cases of the disease are continuing to surge in many countries, while others which had apparent success in suppressing initial outbreaks are now seeing infections rise again. Australians, even those living in Melbourne, are...

“Oh Did You Guys Only Just Figure Out A Vaccine Today?” Kim Jong-Un Tells Putin

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Just hours after his big announcement, Vladimir Putin has today had the smile wiped off his face, it can be confirmed. The Betoota Advocate can exclusively reveal this afternoon that Putin has had the air taken out of him by North Korean Supreme Leader and Marshal Of The Republic Kim Jong-Un, who informed him that he already had...

Lefties Confused As Two People With Slightly Different Political Views Agree To Work Together

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The global left-wing movement is currently sitting upright in disbelief this morning, following the news that Joe Biden has picked Kamala Harris to be his running mate in the 2020 US election. The pair will take on US President Donald Trump and Vice-President Mike Pence at the ballot box on November 3. The announcement comes less than a week before the Democratic...

Report: New Zealand Just Showing Off Now

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As Australia comes to terms with another bad day of numbers from the two most populous states, a new report has revealed that things are still pretty sweet over the Tasman. It's been confirmed in a new report this week that New Zealand is now just showing off. This follows the news that Aotearoa checked off 100 days without...

Passive Aggressive TV Celebrity With More Money Than God Surprisingly A Bit Hard To Work With

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In the most recent headlines to take attention away from the COVID-19 pandemic, the Black Lives Matters movement, and the calls to stop powerful men in the arts and law from sexually assaulting their female colleagues, there have been revelations that popular daytime TV host Ellen DeGeneres is an absolute piece of work. This has come as a shock...

The Dixie Chicks To Also Remove Sexist ‘Chicks’ Component Of Band Name, Now Known As “The”

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT The group formerly known as ‘The Dixie Chicks’, who dropped the apparently racist ‘Dixie’ part of their name last month, have again changed their name by also removing the sexist ‘Chicks’ component. The group will now be known as "The" Formed in Texas in 1989, the all-female country group originally focussed on bluegrass and dressed in cowgirl outfits, a format...

Trump Hires Real Estate Photographer To Make Rallies Look Bigger Than They Really Are

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact After his embarrassing Tulsa rally, President Donald Trump has resorted to drastic measures to avoid another gaffe. The rally, held on June 20 in the BOK Centre in Tulsa, Oklahoma, was predicted to have over 1 million attendees, after that many tickets were reserved. However, the actual attendance was about 6,200, after most of the tickets were reserved...

Multiple Women Accuse Justin Timberlake Of Historical Crimes Against Denim

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Multiple women have come forward on social media alleging that singer-songwriter-actor Justin Timberlake engaged in historical crimes against denim. The allegations suggest that the former lead singer of NSYNC completely overdid it with the sturdy cotton warp-faced textile, starting in late 2001, just prior to his break-up with Britney. While Timberlake has in the past apologised for the now famous...

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