The Nation

Amnesty International report low levels of Christmas cheer amongst Santa’s Elves

20 December, 2015. 13:06 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact WORLD-RENOWNED PHILANTHROPIST Santa Claus was forced by rising Scandinavian labour costs and a plummeting US dollar to move his manufacturing base from Lapland in Northern Finland to Shenzhen in Southern China - something human rights groups say is costing lives. Chinese employees at Claus' new factory have since protested their working conditions, which...

Fondue double-dipping disaster triggers triple shooting tragedy

19 December, 2015. 9:45 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact FOUR FAMILIES ARE PICKING up the pieces this morning after three people were shot overnight during a fondue party in Brisbane's inner suburbs. All of the victims are listed in a serious but stable condition with life threatening injuries, although they're expected to make a full recovery. Police are now trying to put...

Man fined for eating ecstasy tablet in designated smoking area

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact THE NSW STATE GOVERNMENT came down hard on pubs and clubs earlier last year, forcing an apartheid between the eaters and the smokers. Those caught showing a flagrant disregard for the controversial law have been fined, including a 25-year-old finance worker, who was slapped with a $209 fine for eating in a smoking area. Thomas...

Motorsport fan near fluent in ‘Thailandish’ after second trip to Pattaya this year

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact BOASTING TO HIS MATES by counting to ten in Thailandish, Gavin Hoskins says he's "near fucking fluent" in our neighbour's language after landing back in Perth early this morning. Thai is a form of standardised Siamese and is considered to be an easier language to learn but one of the most difficult to master. "Sawasdee krab, cunt,"...

Lee Kernaghan’s memoir is being prescribed to insomniacs

15 December, 2015. 15:35 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact IT'S THE STORY of how a kid from upstate Victoria grew from humble beginnings to an international country-singing superstar. At long last, the tale of the 2008 Australian of the Year is now available for purchase at your local or online bookstore. Lee Kernaghan has captivated audiences around the world and sold...

Experts Confirm Gerard Baden-Clay Is A Real Piece Of Shit

14 December, 2015 17:35 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local anthropological experts have confirmed that former Brisbane real estate agent Gerard Baden-Clay is a real piece of shit. That's according to a recent study conducted by the Diamantina Scientific and Industrial Research Organisation (DSIRO). "What we have found is that the, currently incarcerated, Gerard Baden-Clay is the type of bloke you probably wouldn't piss on if his...

Newtown Property Prices Explode After Council Installs Anti Homeless Spikes On King St

24 February, 2016 16:45 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT "It's certainly time for a makeover on King Street" The pre-election promise of the New South Wales Premier, Mike Baird, rings true today, as Newtown residences celebrate the long-awaited "homeless spikes" that have appeared overnight on the area's busiest street. As a rapidly gentrifying Sydney suburb, Newtown has also been the centre of quite an obvious...

American Tourist Measured At 140 Decibels

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact IT IS A CRIME to be intoxicated at a licensed premises. There's thousands of pages of alcohol legislation and to find bar work in Australia, one must receive special state-mandated qualifications. Bartenders, security staff and management are taught how to identify a drunk person, using a specific set of criteria that outline the classic symptoms...

Family Favourite Puts Pressure On Male Cousins By Debuting A Keeper To Grandma

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local man, Mark Lathouris can't wait to see the faces of his male family members when he rolls into the family Christmas in three days. "It's gonna be so good," says the 28-year-old physio from the Diamantina Shire. "Last year my cousin Rob stole the show with this little German number, he really outdid the rest of us. But I...

National Party Expel Member For ‘Witchcraft’ After Installing Solar Panels On His Roof

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A PROMINENT COUNTRY businessman has been thrown out of The Nationals after he installed solar panels on the roof of his Dubbo home. Owner-operator of Macquarie Smash Repairs and David Murray, told local media that certain factions of the Nationals regard solar panels as "witchcraft". The former rugby sensation and cattle grazier also claims his family have...

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