The Nation

Deputy Leader Of Apex Gang Stood Down For Giving Prospect A Haircut Before Gang Photos

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The controversial Melbourne street Gang Apex remains at the centre of an ongoing controversy, after deputy leader Graham* (name changed) was dismissed for "contravening disciplinary procedures" for cutting a prospect gang member's hair on gang photo day. The incident, which was filmed by other prospects and posted to social media, resulted in Graham's immediate sacking, in what some parent's...

Channel 9 Begin Production On New Crime Series Based On Trinity Grammar Haircut Scandal

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In a weird twist to a story that no one cares about except journalists who either hate private schools or have kids at private schools, Channel Nine has today announced production for a 2019 crime series, Underbelly: That Weird Private School Haircut Story In Melbourne. The miniseries will intricately cover the trials and tribulations of bored as fuck private...

Local Only Child Uses Adult Words Like “Perhaps” And “Et Cetera”

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local only child of two high school teachers has today ramped up her hyper-mature vocabulary in front of other adults. In a precocious display of adultness, Emily Kelly has so far used words like 'perhaps' and 'evidently' - as well as throwing around a few et ceteras. Even though she's only in grade 11, Emily has already figured out...

Report: Last Decade Of NSW Rugby League So Abhorrent That GI Couldn’t Have Helped Anyway

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The CSIRO has today concluded that "but, nah, Inglis is from Kempsey" can no longer be used to justify just how horrific the NSW Origin side has been over the last twelve years. After comprehensively losing 24 of the last 36 matches, in what can only be described as the 'actually trying to lose' - the tide appears to...

“Antioxidants” All Of A Sudden Quite Important

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Jocelyn Leigh (25) has appeased her conscience this afternoon after making a food-related compromise. A few weeks ago the young accounts manager at a boutique firm in the French Quarter made a promise to herself that she would be giving up chocolate for the foreseeable future. However, it had been a long day at work, with...

Melbourne’s Terrifying African Gangs Briefly Stop Perpetrating Crimes As AFL Heats Up

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A number of AFL clubs have finished the weekend's matches with a growing list of injuries, in what can only be described as an explosively physical weekend of toe-to-toe clashes, as the game celebrated it's annual Indigenous round. While Queensland and New South Wales prepare for Game I of Origin, the Southerners' great Winter game also appears to be...

OPINION: “My State Representative Rugby League Jersey Is Not Your Beer Can”

JAMIE HOTTAKE | Outrage | CONTACT As was revealed in April this year, Queensland fans will not be provided access to their  XXXX beer at this year's State of Origin series. Instead, they will be served VB, the Victorian beer which has featured on the New South Wales jersey in the Origin arena for many years. While it is of no surprise that the fair-weathered, cultural...

Thai Massage Now At The Point Where Man Begins Worrying About Severe Spinal Injuries

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Thirty minutes into a one-off massage, local man Simon Flatley is now remembering why he doesn't do this that much. After ordering a textbook no-nonsense deep tissue body rub, Simon is now wondering if he should be putting his ability to walk in the hands of a 60 kilogram Thai masseuse. The massage in itself comes from some weird impulsive...

Militant Non-Smoker Playfully Changes Tune Over A Couple Cold Ones

Militant non-smoker Nick Smith (28) seems to have relaxed his stance on casual durries as he and his mates get stuck into a couple of coldies. Usually berating his friends George (28) and Roger (30) for smoking during work hours, Smith has reportedly hinted that maybe a cheeky bunger isn’t so bad if you're at the pub with mates. “Yeah, I...

‘Vivid Western Sydney’ Just A Glow Of Backed Up Brake Lights On The M4

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The NSW government has fulfilled another promise made to Western Sydney as the iconic Vivid festival extends beyond the Sydney CBD and into the west as brake lights glow on the M4, dazzling the thousands of drivers trying to get home. Now in its tenth year, Vivid Sydney celebrates the technology and arts of the harbour city with innovative...

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