The Nation

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A bar owner in the harbour city of Sydney has offered to make a patron a nice toastie this afternoon. The publican in a previously busy strip, where Sydneysiders would go to enjoy themselves over a few drinks, explained that his hands are pretty tied now. “There is a whole lot of regulations we have to adhere too...

LEROY PERCIVAL | Culture | CONTACT A local girl has whipped her close friend group into a frenzy of uproar today, whilst revealing the extent of her unread message alerts on her iPhone. Even the most headstrong of Chelsea Bennett’s mates were left struggling to pull themselves together when a quick flash of her phone screen showed upwards of seven red bubbles. Within the bubbles, numbers...

LEROY PERCIVAL | Culture | CONTACT A Brisbane man has lamented the fate of Australias struggling farm workers over the weekend, whilst flipping the nameless $4 steaks that he picked up from the deli at his local Coles supermarket. Curtis Stoner (45) from Albany Creek, really empathised with his rural counterparts, wondering how the situation could possibly have become so dire, and why no...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The supporters of The Mount Wellington cable car proposal say they are vowing to push on, after the Hobart City Council voted to deny the controversial project access to council-owned public land. The idea, which is cool, would see a couple old as shit trees cleared to make room for pylons to carry capsules of tourists all the way...

LEROY PERCIVAL | Ecuadorian News | Contact WikiLeaks founder and Australias most successful asylum seeker, has revealed today that he will be releasing a mixtape of indie/folk covers. The release, titled ‘Six Years In a Leaky Embassy’, is a selection of his favourite cover songs, that were recorded in his bedroom within the Ecuadorian Embassy, where he has been residing, by right of diplomatic asylum,...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT "What's this fucking standing desk, Malcolm?" roared the late media magnate. The Prime Minister lowered his head in shame. "I'm sorry, Kerry. The 23-year-old communications graduate from Bondi that Lucy hired to help me with the social media said it would be a good look for me" Kerry coughed, before taking a long, hard drag of his Winfield Red. "Well it makes...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Senior Coalition figures are trying to contain the rumours that everything has fallen to shit since they all arrived back in Parliament last week. Cabinet minister Christopher Pyne has rejected a suggestion Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton could be considering a leadership tilt, as was suggested by Ray Hadley last week in an attempt to change the subject from...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT One of the Liberal Party's most controversial figures is believed to be making moves to knife Malcolm Turnbull and take leadership of the Government, after the Daily Telegraph decided he is who they would prefer as Prime Minister. this comes after a knee-jerk reaction from party backbenchers that are terrified they might have to get an actual job, after...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact It was bad enough that Gregory Spoonman had to work on a Saturday but it was worse that he fell asleep just 10 minutes into his favourite movie. Arriving back to his humble Betoota Heights two-bedder around 4 this afternoon, the hard-working Virgo helped himself to a lungful of that sticky shit before he retired...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local Anglo-Australian has today revealed that he doesn't relate to big family events, because he only has like three cousins that he only sees once every three years. Ethan Brendan (25) has taken things to a new level of whiteness today by saying he doesn't understand why woggy weddings are so big, because, like, why would you get...