The Nation

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The heavyweights in the Liberal Party have sat Peter Dutton down today. After the border cop from Queensland brought the party to its knees last week, the powers that be decided it was time to have a word to the rogue MP. The President of The Liberal Party Nick Greiner called Dutton into his office this morning. "One Three Double Ohhh, Six...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Abbott family has today conceded that it might be time to face reality. Living on Sydney’s leafy North Shore, the family made up of Tony’s wife, three daughters and sister have had a hard chat today. After his constant sniping and efforts to sculpt the Liberal Party into a mould of his making, Abbott has been left...

The Liberal Party of Australia has today sensationally announced today that they will be sending in former Treasurer Scott Morrison as their nightwatchman. A nightwatchman is a term that comes from the sport of cricket and can be described as a lower-order batsman who comes in to bat higher up the order than usual, near the end of the...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Just when you thought the fiasco in Canberra couldn’t get any more ludicrous, Malcolm Turnbull has blown things up even more. The seemingly on the way out the door Prime Minister has shocked his cabinet, the nation's journalists and his combatants this afternoon by playing an immunity idol necklace. The immunity idol necklace, according to popular cult reality...

Opposition Leader Bill Shorten has called his team into a huddle today. The Australian Labor Party looking for all money like they will shit this weekend, have come together to try and figure out how it could possibly go wrong. With the Coalition Government in tatters, after leadership challenges and ministerial resignations, political commentators have earmarked the ALP as the short...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Following the news of a change of leadership in the Australian Liberal Party, the maintenance and groundskeeping department of Parliament House have sent their best and brightest revolving door repairman to check up on the state of the entry to the Prime Minister's office. While the rest of the public servants in Parliament House rush to destroy the Australian...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A bar owner in the harbour city of Sydney has offered to make a patron a nice toastie this afternoon. The publican in a previously busy strip, where Sydneysiders would go to enjoy themselves over a few drinks, explained that his hands are pretty tied now. “There is a whole lot of regulations we have to adhere too...

LEROY PERCIVAL | Culture | CONTACT A local girl has whipped her close friend group into a frenzy of uproar today, whilst revealing the extent of her unread message alerts on her iPhone. Even the most headstrong of Chelsea Bennett’s mates were left struggling to pull themselves together when a quick flash of her phone screen showed upwards of seven red bubbles. Within the bubbles, numbers...

LEROY PERCIVAL | Culture | CONTACT A Brisbane man has lamented the fate of Australias struggling farm workers over the weekend, whilst flipping the nameless $4 steaks that he picked up from the deli at his local Coles supermarket. Curtis Stoner (45) from Albany Creek, really empathised with his rural counterparts, wondering how the situation could possibly have become so dire, and why no...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The supporters of The Mount Wellington cable car proposal say they are vowing to push on, after the Hobart City Council voted to deny the controversial project access to council-owned public land. The idea, which is cool, would see a couple old as shit trees cleared to make room for pylons to carry capsules of tourists all the way...