The Nation

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A young woman from the trendy suburb of Fitzroy has spoken to The Advocate today about just why the whole Brexit thing hurts so much. The film student called Marsha Whish-Worthington from Melbourne's equivalent of Betoota's French Quarter told us that the breaking away of the United Kingdom from the EU is a sign of the sad deterioration of global geopolitics...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A French Quarter retiree has labelled the nations Prime Minister a 'bloody drongo' this morning. The 69-year-old husband, father and grandfather named Arthur Wallace did so in an effort to sound like an everyman during a conversation with his barista this morning. While the conversation of politics was raised for some reason during the morning interaction, Wallace decided to show...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Paul Dawson, twin brother of  Chris Dawson, has arrested himself today so he can be with his brother once again. Known for their time spent playing Rugby League in the Newtown Jets, the Dawson brothers came back into the public eye in 2018 following the success of the Teacher’s Pet podcast, which followed the 1982 disappearance of Chris’s...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local dance music enthusiast is today being urged to have a good long think about the dangers that can come from putting recreational drugs in her system. Christina Maley (18) from Betoota Heights has today been forced to consider the off-chance that the drugs she has bought for this weekend might cause her critical harm. Which is not...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact A local retiree, who appears absolutely stoked to finally talk to someone who isn't his wife, is holding to a brief conversation with both hands. After driving for close to 10 hours in near silence between two different Outback look-outs, Richard Newcombe (72) has taken the opportunity to peel away from his caravan to talk to a complete stranger,...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The cultural shift away from fossil fuels and the White Australia policy are two of the biggest factors to consider when discussing why inner-city land bankers can no longer flip properties for 500%. That's according to retired golfing retailer, Bruce Keys (68). In fact, the Betoota Grove-based grandfather-of-three says that political correctness is ruining his nest egg of seven...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A reasonably reserved young man at a firm in Betoota's Old City District has shown his true colours today. Grahame Hills had previsouly been looked upon as the run of the mill office man with the normal sorts of hobbies that run of the mill office men have. However, after a couple of beers this afternoon, with the silly season...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local clothes wearer Damian Stewart (28) wonders what the high end fashion designers at regional fashion outlet, Blowy’s Bedclothes, were snorting when they went completely overboard and designed a shirt with three spare buttons. A race day enthusiast with no interest in horses, Stewart has specific dress shirt needs, requiring a style that looks suitable at the races,...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT An expecting couple down in Melbourne's trendy suburb of Brunswick have moved to assure their friends and family today that they certainly will not be hosting a 'Gender Reveal Party' anytime soon. Brianne Pittman and Con Butcher made the declaration today after fielding questions about the bundle of joy that is expected to enter their lives in a few...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The former Vice-Captain of the Australian cricket team has taken this morning badly. David Warner, the disgraced former opening batsman and ringleader behind the infamous ball-tampering scandal in Cape Town, confirmed today that he was the only person in the country disappointed by Australia's start to the test summer. His disappointment comes as the Indian top order collapsed to 4/56...