The Nation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A largely downtrodden and overworked young professional has revealed her dream of one day being wealthy enough to engage the services of an architect. Speaking to The Advocate this afternoon in the smoking area of the Daroo Street Bus Interchange, the disenfranchised office drone went onto explain why she can only dream about doing that. "I...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The true nature of the heatwave currently gripping large parts of the country has been uncovered today, after a local father of 3 issued a strong statement on the conditions. The 62 year-old patriarch from Betoota Heights did so a short time ago by confirming that 'it's not cold'. Darren Wilson, a semi-retired chippy whose been feeling the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A self-described Brexit expert working in a French Quarter architecture practice has spent the morning answering his coworker's questions on the recent developments out of Westminster this morning like he actually knows what in the jumping blue Christ he's talking about. Connor Dallhasse, who tells strangers that he lost his eyebrows to shock in 2016...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Society | Contact Sammy Leech, a local yoga enthusiast holidaying in Bali, has bucked yogi protocol today after she made it through her entire 8-day retreat without uploading a single photo of herself in some lame yoga pose. According to Sammy, she was close to uploading photos a number of times, but refrained for fear of being judged by her non-yogi friends. “I...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A popular condom found earlier this week inside out and stuck to a local bus has won preselection for Clive Palmer's controversial "United Australia Party". It is understood by The Advocate that Mr Palmer signed off on the preselection this afternoon, making the discarded contraceptive the official UAP candidate for the Maranoa at this year's...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The prominent coastal town has today praised the state and federal government for their tireless efforts in keeping potential tourists, or just run of the mill motorists, as far away as possible from their local businesses. The town at the centre of this particular bypass is Woolgoffs Tamba, a 20,000-or-so-person-town situated in the centre of New South Wales'...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Just days after the boss of the nation's third worst state went on breakfast television claiming she'd never had a bamboo schooner before, the Catholic church has released a study that supports Premier Gladys Berejiklian's claim that extremely harsh penalties that affect a young person's life until they die is the best way to...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Enjoying life outside of constant media scrutiny, former Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull took a private moment to partake in one of his guilty pleasures that he would have never risked doing while in office. “Could you imagine the field day those Murdoch pricks would have had if they’d of seen me doing this?” asked Turnbull as he laid...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In news out of the Kruger National Park in South Africa, disgraced former politician Sam Dastyari has revealed his latest gig since leaving parliament. The former Chinese Government mouthpiece and spokesperson for the Labor Party on issues like the South China Sea told fellow contestants on the reality tv show 'I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here' that...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Former conservative Queensland Premier Campbell Newman says drugs and their use should be legalised, in a radical new position often held by ex-politicians and policeman after they have retired or been shafted from positions of power that they only managed to hold by saying exactly the opposite of this kind of stuff. Newman says he wants a public...