The Nation

Barnaby Reveals He Was On The Sauce The Whole Time He Was Illegally In Office From 2004-2017

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Former Deputy Prime Minister and current Special Envoy For It Ain't Raining Much, Barnaby Joyce, has today explained the thirteen year error of judgement that saw him put forward and vote on thousands of bills that became Federal law, while illegally holding office. The Nationals quasi-backbencher was ruled to be ineligible to sit in Federal Parliament after an investigation...

Tooheys Executives Say They Too Were On The Sauce When They Came Up With Extra Dry Platinums

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The faceless men and women behind the invention of Australia's favourite blackout juice have come clean today, saying they too were on the sauce when they came up with the idea of making a super-alcoholic beer. Speaking today from their Lidcombe headquarters in Sydney's great south-west, the two senior executives who let Tooheys Extra...

Howard Confesses He Was On The Sauce That Time He Invaded Iraq

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Australia's 25th Prime Minister confessed to reporters this morning during a morning walk near Sydney's hellish harbour fringe that he was on the sauce when he and his government decided to illegally invade Iraq in 2003. John Howard sighed in shame as he recounted the evening he and a number of senior Liberals, went down...

Sunrise Producers Workshop Ideas To Repair One Nation’s Tattered Image Ahead Of Election

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Producers from the highest-rating breakfast television programme in the country have put their minds together to come up with ways of repair One Nation's image before the federal election. The party is reeling from an explosive Al Jazeera investigation that aired overnight that showed several prominent One Nation figures asking for large, foreign political...

Instagram Employee Verifies Third-String AFL Player’s Account In Random Act Of Kindness

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Heights man who cashed in his chips and followed his Victorian Football dreams all the way to WA has had his Instagram profile verified overnight in what's being decribed as a 'random act of kindness'. The faceless employee of the giant multination social media platform who gave Bevan Lee, a third-string Victorian Rules...

Liberals Put Vice President Teena McQueen Inside Bubble; Cast Her Out To Sea Ahead Of Election

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Federal Liberals are in damage control this evening after their vice president when on Q&A last night and 'shit the bed', as one senior Minister describes it. Teena McQueen, a member of the hard-right Liberal faction that has arguably torn the nation apart in recent years, agreed to go on the ABC's left-wing love-in...

Small Town Cabbie Confused After Somebody Gives Him An Actual Street Address To Drive To

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Heights cab driver said he was left scratching his noodle yesterday afternoon as a customer asked him to go to a specific street address as opposed to just saying where he wanted to go. Gill 'Frogstomp' Peters, who received his nickname from his lifelong love of fishing green frogs out of the toilet...

Matt Canavan Begins Paleo Diet To Match Historical Era In Which He Was Born

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Minister for Resources and Northern Australia has doubled down on claims he's a living dinosaur by telling reporters he's recently started eating paleo to be more in line with the prehistoric era in which he was born. Matt Canavan said he was inspired in part by his love of coal and other fossil fuels...

Landlord Urges Tenants To Walk A Mile In His Bourgeois Shoes Before Judging Him

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Owning and maintaining property isn't a cakewalk, according to one local landlord who today took aim at those in the community who judge him solely on his enormous wealth. Dennis Pooley, a 42-year-old bipedal pig from Betoota Heights, says that while it might seem akin to owning a pleasuredome in Kubla Khan within a lime-tree...

Local Woman’s Sunday Night Spent Coaching Friend Through Latest Existential Crisis

SCARLETT PAINT | Local News | Contact A rapidly-ageing city worker hit the phones late last night during the death rolls of her latest existential crisis in the hopes that at least one of her friends would still be up. Luckily for Silvia Daniels, one of them was. Just as the credits rolled at the end of the third episode of...

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