The Nation

PM: “And I Don’t Want The World To See Me ‘Cause I Don’t Think That They’d Understand When Everything’s Meant To Be Broken I Just Want You To Know...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Despite being told not to by nearly everybody in his team, the Prime Minister spoke to the media this morning to clarify a number of things being said about him in the press. Scott Morrison took time out of his busy morning to speak to The Advocate via telephone, where he explained that when 'everything...

NSW Emergency Minister Defends Much Needed Paris Holiday After Big Year Strip-Searching Minors

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In yet another example of the born-to-rule classes deciding that national emergencies should not hinder their overseas holiday plans, NSW MP David Elliott is resisting growing calls to resign. The embattled emergency services minister and state member for one of those weird Hillsong Electorates in North West Sydney has drawn furious criticism for his decision to take a...

Local Fuckwit Buys Himself A New Pair Of Fuckwit Shoes

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local fuckwit decided overnight that he deserves to give himself a present after resisting the urge to buy a small bag of cocaine over the weekend. Conor Royd-Ross, who is someone's son, purchased some woven leather shoes from the popular Diamantina-based online fashion aggregation shop, Autofellatio, in the dying sunlight of yesterday. "They were only...

Distraught Prime Minister Wondering If Anyone Will Ask Him How Hawaii Was

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As bushfires continue to take the lives and homes of people across the nation, the ash-covered media landscape seems to have forgotten who the real victim is. Although uncontained fires are clearly the force for destruction in this situation the majority of the blame seems to be directed to Prime Minister Scott Morrison, all because he denies climate change...

Barnaby Says Lets Not Get Political Because Half A Billion Dead Animals Probably Voted Greens

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As the country burns and our Prime Minister mills about like a headless chook with no one to shake his hand, Australians can still count on one voice of reason to tell it like it is. Barnaby Joyce, the former Deputy PM who thinks we should make peace with his pro-adultery version of God if we want to...

Nation Begins To Understand Why Scotty Got The Arse From All Those Marketing Jobs

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Australians around the nation are starting to understand why the Prime Minister got the arse from all his previous marketing jobs after his handling of the current bushfire crisis descends further into farce. Local man Oscar Corrigan, of Betoota Heights, spoke to The Advocate this morning in the carpark behind Cara's Cakes & Pies in...

Scotty From Marketing Forces Bushfire Victim To Watch The Cricket

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Fresh from making a fool of himself, the Prime Minister has put his hands on another bushfire victim this morning. Scott Morrison is currently at a bushfire relief centre near Batemans Bay, where he's talking to people affected by the fires as well as the teams tasked with getting these fires under control. Our local...

LEADERSHIP: Scotty From Marketing Sports A Propeller Hat In An Effort To Lighten The Mood

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Our Prime Minister is showcasing the leadership qualities the nation has longed for today by attending a presser in Canberra this morning wearing a propeller hat on his head. Speaking freely to the media in the public carpark under Parliament House, Scott Morrison said the nation needs to pause right now and put politics aside. "Today,...

Rupert Murdoch Stoked To Learn Queensland Has An Even More Obedient Option Than Annastacia

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Despite nearly a decade of blindly ignoring the reports of environmental scientists and economists, it appears that QLD Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk still hasn't done enough to win over the New York-based media dynasty that ultimately decides who wins and loses elections in Australia. This comes as the Murdoch newspapers in Queensland appear to have discovered that Palaszczuk actually...

Scotty From Marketing’s Creative Response To Bushfire Crisis Nominated For A Cannes Lion

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "It is simply the highest honour one can receive in this industry," he said. "If He can postpone the rapture until I make it over to Cannes next year to attend the ceremony, I'd be eternally grateful." The Prime Minister's response to the ongoing bushfire crisis has been nominated for a Cannes Lion, the creative organisation...

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